You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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