Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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