would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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