I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize