i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
