He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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