If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
