If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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