On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she told me i tasted like america
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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