I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
