would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
