I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
