I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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