I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
