I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
nutella sex= disaster
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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