You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
