Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
