Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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