He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
