I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
