I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
