like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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