my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
