Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
