She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
