So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My cat gives me a boner
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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