my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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