Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
