just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
