So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
