bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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