Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
