y did u give ur computer a hand job?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
