Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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