It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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