Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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