I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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