She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
