I puked a lego.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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