I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
