found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
