Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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