Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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