even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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