I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We are two peas in an std pod
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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