i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
