Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
