we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
