M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
