I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
