It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
