I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You work out of a Hotel?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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