You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize