My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize