the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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