I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
