glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
