I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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