Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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