Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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