Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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