so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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