Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
