These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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