He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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