im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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