Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
