Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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