Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
why is half of my head shaved?
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